It’s 3.27am and I’m currently laid in bed and can’t sleep, and after over a year something brought me back to my blog (wow). Re-reading my posts brought back the feeling of what it is like to write, the passion and meaning behind each post, the expresssion and healing it offers, oh how I’ve missed this. So why have I been absent you may ask?
When I first started my blog I didn’t think anyone would actually read it, it was just a place to store all my thoughts and feelings, an outlet of expression. To my surprise people were reading my posts (you may be one of them, thank you) and soon I found people could relate to what I was writing. I received numerous comments of positivity and encouragement on my blog and other social media outlets and I felt great.
However one day, among the many positives in my inbox was a message that took me by surprise, this was a message that infuriated me but ultimately stopped me from blogging. This message was full of judgement, criticism and clear ignorance for my blog and what it is about. How could a person who doesn’t even know me write such a personal message attacking my character and my posts. It was enough to make me question myself and whether blogging was actually for me, I questioned it for so long almost two years later here I am stumbling across my blog. I’m so surprised to see despite no new content being added, people are still stopping by and even take the time out to send messages.
How could I let someone I don’t even know, one message among all the brilliant ones, make me question myself. While I appreciate everyone’s content is personal to them and won’t be liked or understood by everyone, I am a firm believer In constructive criticism rather than trying to tear a person down. What I have realised tonight is I miss writing, I like writing, and some people like my writing and others won’t but that’s totally okay. So tonight I am taking back my power and making a promise to myself to return to my blog, something I was so very passionate about once upon a time.
There are always going to be people out there who tell you can’t do something or you shouldn’t do something or who blantantly try to bring you down. Don’t let them! Be strong enough to chase your dreams and aspirations and don’t stop until you’re satisfied.
So I guess this is me saying welcome back guys and here’s to writing whatever I want and not caring about unnecessary opinions from people who don’t matter!
The concept of letting go is a part of one’s growth process. It means to leave the things the way they are and move forward.
In life, you need to let go of many things, at different points in time, throughout your life. You need to realise that life never stops or comes to a halt.
Letting go is extremely difficult to do, but one has to do it repeatedly at different levels, because life calls upon us to do so, whether we like it or not. You cannot think about the future or the new happenings in life, if you continue clinging to the old.
When relationships or friendship turns sour or someone special passes away, we face extreme difficult in letting go of such things. We cling onto what they left behind, the fond memories that leave an unforgettable impression in our minds are difficult to let go.
But by letting go of those that are harmful, you are giving yourself a chance to make it. A chance to see what your future can be, what success you can make for yourself, nothing should come in the way of that.
All the mistake we make, the sins we carry out consciously or subconsciously, the way we act and treat others, and yet He stills has mercy upon on us. Time and time again we fail and He still gives us a chance to succeed. Allah turns with mercy to him, who turns to him in repentance.
‘And i said ask your Lord to forgive you your sins, for verily, He is all-forgiving’ [Quran 71:10]
So you know what I’m thinking, even before the Earth was completely created, before we existed, Allah was writing our stories. Allah knew you could handle the chaos that yesterday threw at you and the struggles that will come today. When He was writing your story he knew you were the perfect character to take on this role.
Mine, yours, others, our stories are all different, just like our stresses and worries, they’re specific to us. So it doesn’t matter if you woke up late this morning because you were that exhausted, rushed because you were running late and then despite all your efforts will end up late anyway because you hit standstill traffic. It’s okay that your work won’t stop after the clock hits 5pm and you know by time you finish the household things and taking care of everyone, your ‘me time’ will be spent marking books so your learners will have something positive to read tomorrow when you teach them.
All of this is okay because while you’re worried about how you’re going to get through today, with all this mayhem and probably more, a little voice inside you reminds you that you were created to handle situations like these. These days have your name written next to them with the message ‘She can do this, she made it and she got to the other side. She kept going, had faith and trusted me’.
Keep strong, with love,
No matter how confident we are within ourselves, secretly deep down, either consciously or subconsciously we can find ourselves worrying about what others think of us. Sometimes these thoughts are easy to shake off, other times we may find they stick to us.. I was thinking about this lately and it reminded me of when I first started looking into Islam..
Growing up I had predominantly Muslim friends and life for me was somewhat different to that of my Muslim friends. My mum was English and my dad wasn’t around, this meant Islam was absent in my life. Looking back now I remember recalling how uncomfortable I felt sometimes going round to friends’ houses and would be conscious of my clothing and what I said, even though there was nothing wrong in the way I dressed or spoke.
At times I would feel like I’d get funny looks from some of the older Asian generation, I’d stand in line to pay for items in a store and I could feel their eyes on me. If they spoke to me I could see disappointment in their reactions because I was unable to respond. Maybe I was paranoid, maybe these perceptions were wrong. Could these opinions of myself be my own? These thoughts resided in my head, and slowly started eating away at me. How was I worthy of being a Muslim?
I battled myself for a while as I grew older, ‘so what I’m happy how I am, I don’t need a religion’ ‘I look like a Muslim, I wonder what it would be like to be one’. These thoughts weighed on my mind for a long time and it wasn’t until I lost my Mother (May Allah grant her a place in Jannah) that I truly felt lost. My safety blanket, my world and my identity was gone.
Over the next couple of years Alhamdullilah I went on to meet some great people who became my friends. As strangers these people showed me what the true meaning of Islam was. They didn’t judge me once, they didn’t question why I was unable to speak or understand the language, they took me as I was and offered any help I needed. They taught me that I could be who I was AND be a Muslim. My insecurities were gone.
There’s a quiet misconception that, at times, hides itself in the hearts of some, the worry that you have to change or lose who you are for Allah (swt) to accept you. How wrong this is, the fact you’re making this decision is because HE has already chosen you, just how you are. I have seen Brothers and Sister judge each other openly about their relationship with Allah (swt) and this weighs heavy on my heart. A bad word can prevent someone from turning to Allah (swt) whilst a little encouragement can send them running.
I continuously witness the love people have for Islam and each other, these are the things that encourage me to better myself and to strive to become the best Muslim I can be Insha’Allah.
The biggest lesson I have learnt on my journey so far, and my advice to those of you who may need it is don’t ever let anyone make you feel insignificant or unworthy of Allahs love. Remain strong and have faith in Allah (swt) for HE will always show you a way. Don’t worry about anyone’s opinion of you, what they say or think about you. You and you alone are accountable for you life, it is you who will be rewarded for your good deeds and it is you who will answer for your negative actions/ways. One thing I have realised and now live by.. It’s only ever between you and Allah (swt) anyway ♡
Something worth sharing…
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.”
The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said “I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you.”
“Of course I can,” said the father.
It’s not always anger, it is your actions in general. There are no “fresh starts” in life. There is no new beginning. Forgiveness comes easy for many people but the scars of the past, they never go away. Watch what you do today, because sometimes the price isn’t worth the reward.
Whether you’re bursting with happiness, crippled with sadness or battling jealousy Allah (swt) knows what is in every heart. He knows what’s in your heart, so don’t be afraid to let Him in 💖